Week 3 Story: The Broken Heart
As Rama woke from his sleep he was reminded by his father that they were going hunting today. The light from the sheer silk covered windows nearly blinded him, and he sunk deeper into the cavernous comforter.
Was. Was that his heart? Need to save Viradha. But how? Glass. No. Run. No. Jump. No. No. No. No. NO.
It was the day before his wedding to the dame, Sita, and the whole family was celebrating.
Rama rose wearily and got dressed without much motivation. You see, Rama was having what the locals call cold feet. Not much he could do about this now.
As they packed the carriage for the day's adventure, Rama began to feel sick, but his father urged him to continue on. Once they arrived to the hunting grounds his father had paid to create especially for this day, Rama was near faint.
The room was filled with treasures from his father's hunts. Heads. Hooves. Trophies. Bows. Tusks. Even some swords from the old days. The room was thick and the drawn curtains made seeing difficult. However, he could feel his father's glare as he asked Rama if he was ready to see the hunt he had prepared.
Rama, near ill and woozy from the trip, nodded absent-mindedly and walked toward the heavy, woven curtains. All at once the curtains were drawn and the world was at view. The room they were in was high above the land so he could barely make it out. As Rama adjusted to the light, he thought he saw. Surely not.
He looked down. The floor was wood and it looked as if someone had been clawing to escape. No. No... Surely not. He dared not look up again.
His father prompted him to prepare for the hunt, but Rama refused, blaming an upset stomach. Furious at his son, he rushed over and gripped his chin, forcing Rama to see the light and the prey.
His throat became pained and his chest tightened as he saw it. It. or rather. Him. Viradha. It felt like the world was spinning as Rama lost his breakfast in the waste bin.
How long had it been since he has seen Viradha? Two days? Maybe three? Had anyone seen them? He had been so careful. No, it was two days. What does it matter.
Pulling him up by the back of his hair, Rama's father explained that Rama's perversion had gone on long enough, and he wasn't going to let him carry it into his marriage. His father had a look in his eyes. And Rama had only seen it once before. When that servant boy had been looking at his mother. And oh god what his father had done to that servant boy.
By the time Rama returned from the memory. His father had gone and was pushing the vines and brush aside to find him. Viradha. What was their last conversation? Did he remember to say he loves him? Does he know that he would leave Sita if he could?
Throat pain. A rock in his neck. A ringing in his ears as the blade hit the trees. He could see him now clearly. He looked so scared. So alone. So innocent. They had had a fight. Viradha wanted Rama to run away with him. Rama's eyes became misty and his head became fogged.
He must save him. He looked around the room hastily. Trying the door, he found it locked. Bolted shut. Glass. Window. Break the glass. All at once Rama picked up the chair he had been sitting in and threw it with all his godly force into the window.
Shatter. No. His father was getting close.
BEAT. BEAT. BEAT.
Was. Was that his heart? Need to save Viradha. But how? Glass. No. Run. No. Jump. No. No. No. No. NO.
The bow.
Rama ripped it from the wall and stood in the pile of broken glass and prepared to draw. He couldn't. His father was getting closer.
BEAT. BEAT. BEAT.
Deep breath. Shaky breath. Throat stone. Rama prepared the bow. And with his last strength, he convinced himself. Convinced himself that everything everyone said is true. Viradha is no good. Viradha is a menace.
He opened his eyes once more. Forcing himself to see the monster his father saw, he released the bow.
As he watched it fly, he looked to Viradha. The love of his life. His soulmate. How did it come to this? How did he let it go this far? He looked into his eyes. They weren't so frightened. Almost. Almost knowing. And as a tear fell from his beautiful cheek, the arrow hit.
( Viradha )
Author's Note
In the original story, Viradha is a heavenly artist who is cursed to be a Rakshasa. Rama only sees him as a Rakshasa, so he and Lakshmana kill him. Before dying, Viradha explains that Rama has actually saved him and helped him reach heaven by breaking the curse. I changed this majorly. I combined the feelings of a short story I once read and a movie I recently watched with this text. I wanted it to be a secret love story and my previous story used only dialogue so I wanted to mix it up and go for no dialogue.
Bibliography
Source. The Ramayana, translated by Manmatha Nath Dutt.Bibliography
Wow, what horrible love story. It's just heart breaking at so many levels. I can't believe Rama killed Viradah. It was a great story, but I was a little confused at first about the location where Rama found Viradah, I had to read it a couple of times. I would have also liked a bit more backstory between Rama and Viradah, how did they fall in love?
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more of your stories this semester.
-Kevin
Hi Lindsay! I am going to comment as I read, so I don't forget to mention something that caught my eye!
ReplyDeleteCavernous comforter- I liked how you described the comforter, I was able to envision the whole bed and how indulgent the scene was based off the word "cavernous".
I enjoyed how your words would change from normal, to bold, to small, and large. It really helped build anticipation.
I, too, am saddened by this love story. Rama was involve with a demon, and had to kill the demon? What a creative way to change the story!
Hey Lindsay,
ReplyDeleteI loved the amount of detail that you have put in this story. It kept me engaged throughout the entire story. I like how you made the story about Rama and Viradha. It was definitely a different take on the original story. One thing about the story that I was confused about was how Rama originally met Viradha and how did they fall in love with each other. The original story of Viradha was about how Rama and Lakshmana killed Viradha freeing him from a curse that made him live as monster. However, I really liked how you took the original story material and made the audience experience the inner turmoil Rama faced to kill the creature that he loved. Also, I thought it was interesting how you made Dasaratha to be a more violent king. I wished that we would know what had happened to servant boy who looked as Rama’s mother as we could see the true extent of King Dasaratha’s violent persona. Anyway, I really enjoyed your story.
Hi Lindsay!!
ReplyDeleteWow!: I loved your take on the original story, it felt just as real! You included so much imagery and detail that kept me engaged the whole time, and it was like I could actually feel Rama's anxiety about the situation he was in. It was incredible!
I wonder..: I loved how you broke up the text into multiple small paragraphs and changed the fonts with bold and italicize a lot. It really placed the exact emphasis on each of the words you intended to. But there were a couple parts where the words at the end of the sentence were suddenly smaller than the rest of the paragraph. I'm sure that had meaning, but I didn't really get it!
What if..: The relationship between Rama and Viradha is extremely important to the story and it is really evident by all of the anxiety Rama is having about having to kill him. However, the story would be a little stronger if you provided a little bit of background information as to who Viradha was and why Rama's dad wanted him specifically killed.
Overall I think you did an amazing job!
Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteI loved the perspective and structure you used in order to allow the audience to feel and think what Rama was feeling and thinking. I also love the lgbtq representation that seems to be lacking from many of these stories.
I thought your different fonts were extremely unique, but at times I wasn't sure if it related to what was happening in the story or if it was just a font that got smaller and bigger at random times. I think some clarification may have added the intended affect, but I was still captivated nonetheless.
I want to know the back story to this love affair and Sita's role in all of this. It took me a bit to realize Rama was in love with Viradha until it straight up said so. I think you could definitely add a back story for your next story book almost as a prequel to allow the audience the chance to answer some questions!
I certainly enjoyed having the monologue of Rama's thoughts. It really allows us to understand what he is feeling and how desperate he is. You seem to have a talent for conveying the emotions of the perspective character, and playing up that strength here is very entertaining to watch.
ReplyDeleteI do wonder why you chose to use the strange font sizes to emphsize different things, but I must say, I have bad eyesight, and that was kinda painful.
One recommendation that I have is to establish Rama and Viradha's relationship beforehand. Make it clearer that Rama dreads having to leave his lover, and foreshadow that more in the marriage, because right now, it just feels like out of nowhere angst. A second reccomendation is that I think your story is too experimental and focuses too much on Rama's thoughts rather than making the series of events clear. Overall though, good job, I liked this story.